Thursday, June 11
Wednesday, June 10
Well its finally here. The summer of '09 is here. We are officially out of school for the year.
I thought I would be thrilled. But right now I'm just kinda bummed. Things just didn't end like years before. Normally you spend all day like debating wether or not you should do something, then kick your self for not doing it. I didn't do that this year. I know, I know, pick your jaw up from the floor. I felt no need to do anything really. I just want to get up north and escape this town for a little while. I want to get back to myself. I've just been seeing myself slip more and more away. I just need to get up there and put all this Freshman Year drama out of my mind until our high school reunion in 20 years, by then all this shit will seem like breaking a nail. Up North hopefully I will find my reset button. I also need time just to unwind. I've just been so worried that something else is going to be thrown at me to deal with. I already had to deal with my dad going to the nut house. It doesn't help that we can no longer make plans that are a month away do to the fact that things happen in our family that can make you feel like a turtle stuck on its back in a plastic tube with a 7 year old looking down on you.
On a happyish note, Adam's letting me shave his head on Friday. It's really considered tomorrow but I don't care. I feel bad though because I didn't/haven't invited Joe. And he's really been there for me lately but I really want Evona to be able to come. It's so hard to pick between people!
Hopefully my grandma's new neighbor boys are cute. I hope there not fat ugly hobo type guys. That would be a total let down, Nessa and I will like die if we get up there and they're belly button itchers. I hope driver's Ed goes good up there. I've so nerves about it. I really want to meet new people, it's like worrying about going to a new school. Well kind of is like going to a new school. I'll have to ask Sara about the people there. I don't know if I should mention that shes my cousin what if she has a horrible reputation there and I have like shunned or worse teased beyond end.
I need to be a nerd when I get up there and go to the library there's a new authur I want to check out. She looks pretty good so I want to get back to reading I think thats another reason that I'm so different lately I stopped reading.
Oh well I don't feel like writing anymore, I'm playing 20 questions with Michael, shhh don't tell my ideas mascara he'll never get it. :)
Posted by Francisca at 11:54 PM
Saturday, May 23
In my last post who know how long ago, I told someone to pinch me. I DIDN'T MEAN IT. I want to a have talk with the little fucker who actually did. Because I woke up and now its hell. You can't even tell that we even knew each other. And the hardest part, the part that drives me over the edge on this whole thing, the part that ticks away at me, its that its all I can think about. I hate to talk about it cuz I don't want people to know that what I think about cuz its been like 3 weeks and I need to just get over it. But its so hard. He cut me off cold turkey. Okay maybe not cuz there were those 3 weeks were he must have been easing me off him, preparing me for that Sunday morning that he make a big fuckin mark on how I'll remember Freshman year. I'm pretty much over it, there's just so many unanswered questions and its like were dead to each other. Like we can feel each others presents but we would feel crazy actually talking to each other. I lost a best friend and it kills me to see him alone. I just wish I could read his mind. I know it sounds stupid and self centered but I sometimes wonder if he a) feels guilty for doing it or b) regrets breaking up with me. I know they're both totally not possible. I just miss him sometimes... like when I look over and he's standing all along like at time where he used to be over with me with his arms around my waist and his head on my shoulder. Over the hug and accessional kiss goodbye. I'm a crazy stalker...I know I have problems. I have counted 3 times where I have actually bit my tongue from trying to talk to him. I think I'm just scared of being rejected by him again. I don't think I could keep a happy face if he didn't talk back. I'm sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I miss those nights where he held me tight and me both let out a breath as who ever came to check on us left, then fell on to each other smiling about how close we came to being caught. I have come to the conclusion that after I've thought about all the memories at least once then I will be over him... I've got a long ways to go. I know I'm going on about this but this is my way of venting what I've been thinking about and if you have a problem then just click a link and don't read this anymore.
Posted by Francisca at 12:41 AM
Sunday, March 22
Omg, pinch me. Seriously. Like everyday seems like its a dream! Everything thats been happening lately. Okay so not everything. I could make a really long list of things that I wish weren't happening. And when I think of that I get a little down and wish I could fully fix that. ANYWAY finally being with Trevor is like ahhhh. 3 months ago if you had asked me if I ever thought that I would be hiding in the laundry room with Trevor 'helping him find his shoes' I would ask you if you hit your head. I would say that actually being with Trevor was only ever going to happen in my dreams. But now ahhhh. :) :) :)
Posted by Francisca at 9:52 PM
Sunday, February 8
I don't know what it is this winter but I am dying to go up north. Normally I don't get this restless until the end of May but this year I just want to see that lake so bad!
Posted by Francisca at 12:05 AM
Thursday, February 5
Posted by Francisca at 10:07 PM
Sunday, December 7
So today I went with my brother to his friends B-day party at Micky D's and I went to the back of the restaurant area and used there high-speed and played this pictionary game with erin online. It was pretty cool. My brother keep running out to tell me things liek ever 20 min even though each time he came out I told him not to come back out. It never works.
Posted by Francisca at 2:01 AM