She fell to her knees in the deserted cemetery. She pounded her weak fists on the cold muddy soil. She let out a loud sob and more salty tears ran down her numb pink checks. Why she thought, why him. Out of all the people there, why was he the one not to get away fast enough. He had so much life left to live, so many dreams to fulfill, so many memories to gain.
A crack of thunder sounded and she began to shake. She thought of how much he cared for not only her but everything. Everything brought up a story for him, he was never silent. Not even in his sleep, he would mumble about becoming that football star he wanted to be so bad. The little uniform he put together with his hammy down jerseys, sweat pants, and tube socks.
All the memories of him got the best of her and she fell limp to the wet October ground. Rolling to her back she laid there and felt the cool drizzle of rain touch her face. Closing her eyes she brought back a memory of him splashing in a puddle no bigger then what’s left on the bathroom floor after a shower. He had found so much joy in watching the water spread in all different directions. She remembered scolding him for getting his shoes muddy before school. Now she regretted making him stop when she should have joined him.
Slowly she climbed back up to her knees and softly rubbed her hand against the moist grave stone. She felt the indentation of the date he died on the headstone. A day that would too be indented into her mind, a morning that would never leave her memory no matter how long she lived. He had tried his best to behave that week and his reward was getting to go to the high school football game on Saturday. He was up until nearly eleven the night before making sure his imitation uniform was perfect. He never got to go to that game. His love for that damn football prevented him from making it there.
The drizzling rain became heavy drops and they began to form puddles in random spots around her. The filling of the puddles was just like how his life filled hers and so many others. His voice was known by many. Anyone that met him knew they would never meet anyone else with that level of enthusiasm. The littlest things thrilled him. Like the day he discovered ‘toe jam’. The little fuzz balls that stay between your toes when you take your socks off. He had everyone in the house take off their socks and he checked for ‘toe jam’. If he found some he would jump back in surprise and announce it happily to everyone what color it was.
She heard leaves crunching behind her. Someone was coming down the path. For a second a thought crossed her mind of what she must look like but she soon forgot about it. She didn’t care about it. She didn’t care about anything anymore. He had put a light at the end of her tunnel of darkness. But now it was gone, she didn’t seem to have anything happy to look forward to. His death proved that the world was a horrible place.
“Thank God!” A relived male voice sounded from behind her. “I called your mom and she said she hadn’t seen you, and your dad said he thought you were with me, so did your friends. I never would have guessed you would be here.” She just ignored him. Part of the reason she was here was to get away from him. He just brought back more memories.
“What made you change you mind about coming back here? You had sworn you would never come back here after his…” She just shrugged lightly. He knew not to press any further.
He could only imagine how much she must miss him. He knew how much he missed the little guy, it was much worse for her. That boy was a live spirit. He was not ADD or ADHD, he just loved life and being active. He remembered going to their house a little over a year ago. She had warned him that her brother was hyper but he figured it was just her. But he was wrong, that little guy attached his hip and they spent hours were each other out. He would never let the memory go of sitting in their living room one night with that little speed demon draped a crossed his lap, sleeping. He looked so much like her, the nose that was a perfect shape and those hazel eyes. They two things he adored in her were laying in his lap on another little being.
A single teat ran down his check. He made no action to hide it. He knew she would not thing of his as any less macho.
“I just miss his [i]so[/i] much,” She sobbed. “Every minute, of every hour, I can’t get over the fact that he’s no longer in this world!”
“A part of me wants to lie to you and tell you it will get better. But I have that same feeling and it doesn’t seem to be fading,” She looked up at him. She discovered that he too was crying. This caused her to loose her breath for a second. She was not the only one grieving, though it did seem like it at home. He had done something other than try and tame the boy. He had ran with him, he had embraced that happiness that the little guy brought to life.
He too sank to his knees landing in front of her. He wrapped his arms around her, it was something he had wanted to do long before he baby brother had asked if they were dating. She returned the gesture by sinking into his chest and sobbing on to his shirt. He didn’t even think about it. They were both went and muddy from the rain.
She felt so good in his arms. She wanted to stay that way forever and never have to leave and face the world of people and their sympathy. All of them are the same, with that same look on there faces. A flash of the week before came to her mind, when everything was normal. He had wanted to have the same exact lunch as her. She had talked him out of it. She didn’t want him to be the same she wanted him to be different. But now she would give anything for him to be the same as her in everyway, as long as one of those ways was being alive. She just wanted him here. For he little baby brother to be alive, to be the wild little 6 year old again.
“I love you,” He whispered into her ear. She went limp in his arm like a rag doll. The spontaneous ‘I love you’ was what made her lover her baby brother so much, but he was gone now all she has now is the love of her life. She hadn’t seen it before now but that is what this strong male wrapped around her was to her, the love of her life.
“I love you more,” she replied, he knew from countless nights over at their house that that was the way she had responded to her brother.
He lifted her jaw up and softly placed his lips to hers. Suddenly she saw a new light at the end of the tunnel.
